aku tetap melakukannya.

aku melakukannya seorang diri...

aku melakukannya walaupun sambil mengeluh

aku melakukannya walaupun sambil menangis

aku melakukannya walaupun merasa takut

aku melakukannya karena aku yakin bahwa kamu bisa jadi yang terbaik

aku melakukannya karena aku tahu kamu pasti bisa jadi lebih baik

aku telah melakukkannya dan tetap melakukannya

sekarang hingga nanti, itu adalah tugasmu

tugasmu untuk menunjukan, bahwa apa yang telah ku lakukan itu benar

yaa benar, benar dengan tetap bertahan meskipun banyak hal yang membuatku ragu

aku melakukannya, iya aku melakukannya dan tetap melakukannya

ya aku tetap mencintaimu, menyukaimu dengan segala kekuranganmu

love me,
susan

aku, kamu dan perasaan ini.

Pernah dengan tidak sengaja aku melihatnya “online” tanpa membalas pesanku. Maka dari situ aku memutuskan untuk tidak mengharapkan apapun darinya. Pesan yang dibales cepat lagi, di prioritaskan lagi, di beri kabar setiap hari lagi, free call setiap malam lagi. Aku sadar diri, aku bukan siapa-siapa. Jika aku penting aku akan diberi kabar tanpa harus aku mengemis untuk minta dikabari.

Setidaknya aku sadar, dari awal sudah sadar. Bahwa suka sama suka bukan berarti diprioritaskan. Setiap orang bahkan akupun tau mana yang harus aku dahulukan sebelum mendahulukan perasaan. Terbiasa menaruh perasaan diawal dan berakhir dengan sakit hati, kini aku mencoba untuk menaruh perasaan diakhir untuk setiap apa yang terjadi. Menjadi kuat setiap harinya dan selalu mencoba jadi yang terbaik untuk diri sendiri.

Love me,
Susan.

the feeling from the quotes

“Life has taught me that you can't control someone's loyalty, No matter how good you are to them, doesn't mean that they will treat you the same,. No matter how much they mean to you, doesn't mean that they will value you the same. Sometimes the people you love the most, turn out to be the people you can trust the least” ― Trent Shelton

The truth? I like you. A lot. More than I've liked anyone for a long time. And to be honest, it kinda scares me. I don't want to screw up what we have, whatever it is, and I've fallen pretty damn hard for you. I just hope that whatever happens we don't ruin what we had before all this happened. The truth? I love you.

fake love?

I found a reminder from someone's caption in instagram.

Being pretty doesn't keep a man. Being honest doesn't keep a man. Being loyal doesn't keep a man. Treating a man good doesn't keep a man. Being there for a man doesn't keep a man. Caring about a man doesn't keep a man. Making an effort doesn't keep a man. Paying attention to a man doesn't keep a man. Spending time with a man doesn't keep a man. You could have the best intentions, you could have the most sincere feelings, and you could be a good woman and you still wouldn't be able to keep a man because the only way to keep a man is if that man wants to be kept by you. You can't force a man to be with you. You can't beg a man to stay with you. You can't love a man into loving you. With a man, you could tell he wants to be kept when the relationship gets hard and he does everything to fight for you because a man only fights for a girl he wants to belong to so if he isn't fighting for you when things get hard, then that means he doesn't want to be kept by you anymore. The moral of this? Don't hold on to a man who doesn't want to be kept by you. No, you're not giving up on him. It's him who gave up on you, and it's you who shouldn't waste any more of your time than you already have. Know when it's time to let go, know when it's time to walk away, and know when it's time for him to be unkept.