? just a note

"The highest level in loving someone is letting go", and now I'm ready to take this love for you to the highest level. At the end of the day, I realize that I still can't be able to holding his hand no matter how hard I tried to make it happend. It's like daisies around us, like january rain that wets us. It such a sweet dream, how we together have those butterflies. The waterfall yeap fall. Until i wake up, realize it's only on my side, and you never feel it. If from the beginning it was difficult, why should you come again? Why someone as sweet as you can leave such a bitter taste.

"Right Person, Wrong Time" or "Wrong Person, Right Time"

"Right Person, Wrong Time" or "Wrong Person, Right Time" Humm? 

I’ve been taking so many notes from all the things we’ve been through, so that if by chance we meet again in another timeline, I already have the knowledge what I should and shouldn’t do to keep you by my side. Just like what people said about young love; we didn’t last long. I don’t care if you’re against the idea but to me, the right person at the wrong time is still the wrong person after all—we still couldn’t end up together. Nevertheless, I will always treasure every moment that I spent with you and I would never regret of falling in love with such a person like you. And perhaps in the next life, time and destiny will support your love story because you deserve the long lasting happiness and me too :)

Love me,
Susan

a lil confession.

If you ask, what makes me still want to be with you? I will always answer, I dunno. My heart wants to keep you by my side, no matter how hard my brain asks me to end it all.

If you ask, what makes me still want you beside me? I will always answer, I dunno. My heart wants to keep you by my side, no matter how hard my brain asks me to leave you.

My heart wants you, remain a part of my life, keep witnessing the good changes in my life, keep being friends grow up with me, no matter how hard my brain asks me not to continue.

How often I make trouble. How often do you get into troubles. How often do I get bored with this all. How often do you feel bored with this all too. How often have I given up on getting away from you. How often you are not sure to continue. This heart will still know which direction to take shelter. This heart will still know where to go to complain. This heart will still know which way to go home.

My house is you, dear. I need your shoulder to lean on. I need your tightest hug everytime I feel the world is not on my side, everytime I feel life feels too bad for me, everytime I feel I have no dreams in this world, everytime I feel it's time for me to give up, and everytime I feel that I really need you.

Sorry, If I'm being too selfish. Sorry, If I worry too much about being met with a sense of loss. Sorry, If I worry too much about the future. Sorry, If my worries becomes a trouble to you. Sorry, If my anxiety becomes a new burden in your life. Sorry If I haven't made you happy.

Do I have the right to be selfish? I just want everything goes well according to plan.
Do I have the right to be selfish? I just want the universe support me and you to arrive at the destination without a hitch.
Do I have the right to be selfish? I just wont make you regret have chosen me from many choices to become someone you should love.

Thx u, always being a water while I always being a fire.
Thx u, you were already water when you were supposed to be fire.
Thx u, always trying to complete.

And don’t forget
Thx me, have always believed fully in me, that he will change, that he will reach his goals, that I can make it through so far.
Thx me for fighting when I'm not sure about this, when I always feel ending it all is the most appropriate way.
Thx me for sticking until now, though there are many reasons to go. Even though there are many reasons to leave, although there are many reasons to end this simple story between you and me.
You are doing great, San!

The most important,
Thx u, still willing to be a home for me to stay, still willing to be a home for me to come home to, still willing to be a home for me to settle down.
Thx u, still willing to be a part of my life and give me a part in your life.

I am happy there you are in my life, although sometimes it feels like giving up. Believe me, I want to have you in my life. I hope, you feel the same.

In the last of this confession, I won't ask you to stay with me forever. Every night, I only ask God to keep bringing you, to stay with you tomorrow, tomorrow again, tomorrow again, and tomorrow again, until I've had no night to ask for it again.

i hv loved u too muchhh

I kno I hv loved u too much and u actually got annoyed by it, sorry for it. I have loved u too much by mentioning ur name on my prayers, even I kno that there’s nothing for me to gain after do it. We don’t chatting anymore (maybe chat but yaa…. hm), I just know if u r fine or no, happy or sad by ur tweet butttt I’ll still praying for u bcs at the end of the day, that little space in my heart still belongs to u && im gratefull for that, yeah gratefull bcs I still can fallin’ in luv after all case in my love story. I just hope at some point, I’ll see u again – wherein there’s no more pain, that we look at each others eyes there will be no sadness and hate anymore. I wish that someday I can be with u, jush wishing and praying. Xoxo

last but no least
sowryy, I hv loved u too much (again)

frm me to u, xxxx.

Aku itu berusaha ikhlas setiap harinya tapi bukan menyerah ataupun melepas.

Untuk saat ini, semuanya terasa cukup untuk aku. Kamu dan aku sama-sama punya kehidupan, duniamu dan duniaku tidak sama. Tidak perlu 24/7 untuk chatting, tidak perlu selalu teleponan atau sleepcall sampai pagi seperti oranglain. Kamu dan aku boleh menghubungi satu sama lain kapanpun jika mau. Tidak memaksa untuk mengabari satu sama lain meskipun kabar itu hal yang penting.

Aku tidak lagi melepas, aku masih disini dengan perasaan yang sama, aku belum lelah ataupun menyerah. Cuman aku sadar kalau ternyata banyak mimpi aku ataupun kamu yang belum tercapai. Jadi aku rasa sekarang lebih baik fokus pada mimpi masing-masing. Aku akan berusaha selalu support kamu sebisa aku, berusaha hadir jika kamu butuhkan aku atau kamu sedang dalam kondisi tidak baik. Hahaha growup bareng walau dari jauh, iya jauh. Jauh fisik maupun perasaan.

Saat ini tidak perlu ada yang maju ataupun mundur, karena aku yakin kalau kamu memang untukku, semesta akan menyatukan kita kembali dengan versi terbaik kita nantinya. Yuk semangat.

Love me,
Susan