a confess?

I want to confess something to you.
Before I decide to forget every single thing about you, I think you have to know about this first.
Before I forget the color of your eyes, the curve lines your lips make that knocks me off my feet, or a rhapsody your vocal cords create whenever you talk.

I write this for you, because this feeling is too beautiful yet destructive for me.
Not for you.
So let me write this as an epilogue of all of my writings about you, and let’s hope this is also the end of my feelings for you.

I admit that I do love you.
Since the first time I captured your eyes, I know that you’re the one.
Since the first time you smiled at me, I know I want it for my whole life.
Since the first time you talked—which I replied so awkwardly, I know I want to spend thousand years talking to you.
But then again, since the first time I know you won’t love me—or the fact that we can’t be together, the dilemma which one side of me wants to let go, and in the other hand, I still want to fight for you, hits me hard.

I admit when I look at you from the distance, I watch your funny acts (and laugh silently of course), I worry about you, I care for you, and I—I always wish you would do that too, to me.
I promise myself not to hurt or disappoint you if we’re together.
I promise I’ll take care of you, I promise I’ll always cherish you, catch you—anything, anything that makes you happy.

Can I just...try?
Like, please give me a chance. You dont have to love me at first, let me love you in my own way then we can let time does the work. Please give me a little infinity, by having you as my lover. Temporary means nothing, because just by staring into your eyes—it already stops the time as if I live in eternity.

But then again,
I know you can’t;
I can’t;
We—can’t.

Don’t reply to this message. I don’t wish for any of that. Please just read and understand it. I already know the answer. It's obvious from the way you look at me, the way you talk to me, or the way you smile at me—just like how you did to every people.

Take care of yourself.
Because I love and willing to take care of it—even though I can’t.
So, I hope you’ll do that to yourself.
Or, perhaps—
That girl, would do that for you.
I wish both of you happy for each other.

—afs,
            This is not a surrender, I just understand better.
#afs❤️

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